Monday, March 1, 2010

When in doubt, Google out.

Friends, Family, all dear loved ones of mine,

I have a disturbing confession to make.

I regretfully and ashamedly admit; I am a Googler.

I google in the morning before getting ready, on my phone while driving to work, on work breaks (in between work breaks, shhh!), in the bank line, on my phone while driving home, in the grocery store, during television commercial breaks, in the bathroom, while cooking, and even while lying in bed at night. Pretty much any and every free second I get is spent Googling. It was not until a recent visit to the library, while staring in disbelief at the large Reference section, thinking "Wow! They still use these things?" that I realized how ferocious an addiction I actually had to Google (or as I like to refer to it as), The Engine of Truth and Knowledge. There were early warning signs, the constant need to have Google as my home page (home, office, phone), A vile unnatural hatred for all things "Bing", and lastly the adoption of my "When in doubt, Google out" motto (seriously, If I do not know the answer to something I would much rather consult Goggle than my own mother any day of the week). But it was only there, in that moment at the library face to face with the leather bound relics of days long ago, did the insidiousness of the beast and its true affects on me become so evident.

So, in an attempt to relay the severity of this addiction, I have complied a list of my most recent Google searches, so you can see for yourselves.

(Warning: what you are about to see are real google searches performed by me, some content may not be suitable for all ages; parental discretion is advised!)

History of the Skirvin
Skirvin Hotel haunted?
Asberger's Syndrome
When does East Bound and Down come back on?
Oklahoma meteor crashes
Should I plant perennials or annals (notice the accidental misspelling of annuals, that returned awesome results. lol)
Why is my husband an asshole?
Planning a food themed road trip? (I was sooo hungry upon searching this)
San Antonio vacation
texas ghost towns
things of interest in south texas
cheap cruises
mexico kipnappings?
Is it safe to be blond and travel to Mexico?
What year did Scrappy Doo join Scooby Doo show?
online gaming no downloads
Why is Oklahoma Farm Bureau ass fucking me? (Yes, I really searched this one upon finding out I was being dropped from my insurance for being too great of a "risk")
Cheap homeowners insurance oklahoma
Polaroid ghost writer
andrew garcia video clips
free erotic stories
What year was Pulp Fiction filmed?
why does my husband spend so much money?
Is it ok to hide money from my husband?
Money Market accounts vs. Cash Deposit accounts?
gifted children with learning disorders
children and anxiety
Does Zach Effron have a brother? (This is vital information that must be had immediately!!)
who is Kari Ann Peniche and why is she such a bitch?
How do I get my husband to talk dirty in bed
american idol dropped contestant
premature gray hair
cosmo's sex position of the day
bankruptcy laws oklahoma
carne asada tacos
sugar free recipes
Ed Hardy Hearts and Daggers cologne
what happened to Ryan from paranormal state?
why is my son so defiant? (I love these ones, its like Google is the all knowing Web Yoda. lol)
heidi fleiss car accident
tom sizemore and heidi fleiss scandal
Lady Gaga man pics
why is my husband an asshole? (notice this reoccurring query; still waiting for definitive answers; even Google says "I just don't know, girl!")
oklahoma concerts
hard rock hotel tulsa
zoo amp okc
Can I wear pink with red?
Cop Out banned movie trailer
Shutter Island reviews
Who is Sailor Jerry?
Vintage Tattoos
Butterfly Tattoos
Golden Corral coupons (Yes,..was hoping my good buddy Google (Goog for short) could score me a freebie dinner!)
Couples retreats oklahoma
marriage seminars
Justin Timberlake SNL skits
dyi wall textures (Goog gives such great advice on this subject matter)
24 hour gyms oklahoma
Why does my boob hurt?
Managerial Styles
Employee Satisfaction Survey Examples (can you say copyright infringement?)
lost TCP/IP fixes
how to reboot winsock catalogues(this is for my boss who thinks I invented the computer,...hahaha!)
Why is my husband a total dick face? (Wanted to mix it up a bit, Goog likes it when I'm unpredictable like that!)

All this in a matter of days, AND I'm condensing here folks!!! There are far worse queries, that I would happily choose death over admitting them, for fear of irrevocable damage being done to my brainiac reputation (Strange DeAnna Fact: I am nowhere near as smart as I appear, especially at work). They really think I know everything, when in fact I'm secretly googling all the answers (shhh,...they would be crushed)!

I really need help before things get much worse (I must see what Goog thinks about all this!).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Much prefer this new's much easier for me to read:) Did you take down your prior post??

As for your google obsession, I'm proud of you for being able to admit it. And I'm totally stealing the word "dickface". That's amazeballs.

I'm so glad you're blogging. You make me laugh harder than anyone else I know:) I love you dearly, and my abs say thank you.